I've been thinking for a long time about writing on this blog my thoughts regarding the health care debate. I've been having a hard time putting them concisely, though, and I feel that much has been said in one sided forums like this. I'd like to leave it alone.
I would, however, for the record, like to comment on a broader issue surrounding the health care debate that has me troubled. It's the absence of intelligent debate. The absence of knowledge and intelligence when discussing a topic. The tendency toward hysteria, rhetoric, lies, meanness, and recently (and most disappointingly), reports of racism in public demonstrations.
Look. You ARE entitled to your opinion. Yes, I mean that. Yes, even when it's different from mine. But I'm tired of the passive-aggressiveness involved in this debate. AND even though I happen to be in favor of the idea of health care overhaul, I think there is plenty of shame to go around on both sides. It makes me weary. It saddens me, and not only because I see a nation that doesn't want to debate what (in my opinion, yes) is a basic human need, but because in all of this discussion I haven't seen evidence of a single well-constructed argument from our lawmakers on either side.
The presence of multiple forums in our lives where we seem to be able to say whatever we want without being held accountable. Things we would NEVER say to another person's face..(I'm looking at you, facebook)..these things just make it worse. I'm so appalled at some of the things people have been writing.
Shame on us. Shame on us for making this discussion about our own selfishness and not about people. Shame on us for not doing better for our country. Shame on both sides.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Monday, March 22, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
A few words on kindness
I had one of those experiences yesterday....where I wonder if I'm overreacting, or if I'm right. I'll leave it up to you to decide.
I had to call a business and ask a few questions before making a visit today...in this case it was a bridal shop. What they do is not important, though, I've had this experience before.
What I wanted to ask went something like this:
"Hi, I'm __ and my sister in law is getting married this year. She has picked out her dresses, and I'd like to know if you have a particular style in stock so I can come in a try it on." That's it. Two sentences. Here's how the conversation actually went:
Me: "Hi, my sister in law is getting married
Lady: "What's her name."
pause
Me: "Well, she hasn't been to your shop, but it's close to me, so I'm asking about the bridesmaid dresses
Lady: "What Style"
pause
Me: "Jasmine" (insert dress number here)
Lady: "I have to check the internet to see if we have it in stock" *click*
and I'm on hold.
As if this weren't bad enough....after being on hold for awhile (a minute?) I hear a series of clicks, intermittent talking, then a long pause. No one's there. Then a repeat. I am assuming that whoever I was talking to didn't understand how to get the phone off of hold. I hung up...so infuriated...but I called back to try again.
Here's what I wanted to say: "Hi, I just called, but I think I got cut off. I was asking about a dress, to see if I could come try it on"
Here's what I got out of my mouth... "Hi, I just called" when I was interrupted with "you were talking to ___ hold on"*click* And I'm on hold again. For about two minutes. At this point I hung up and called the other shops on my list.
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I was taught not to interrupt when talking to someone. And I know I still do it, when I"m in a conversation with someone and we're really excited about what we're talking about. But I try really hard not to; you know why? BECAUSE IT'S ANNOYING. I can't stand being interrupted! I hate it! It is so incredibly rude! The thing is, I rarely notice it in family and friends (though sometimes I do), but it really gets under my skin when I'm trying to talk to a service provider of some kind. 99% Of the time the question they interrupt me with will be answered if they just LISTEN to what I want to say.
In this case, the story I related above, I called back again later, and was told that she "had other customers" and she would have to call me back about my question. I told her not to bother. The problem with starting off like this is that I get the impression that you won't listen to ANYTHING I want or say when I actually meet you in person! So after this exchange on the phone, do you actually think I'm going to come in and be bullied through trying on a dress and talking about alterations? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
To make a larger statement, in economic times like this, when people do less business because of their budget, and more of the business they do have over the internet, do you really think that this kind of phone manner is going to get you a whole lot of customers? To put it another way, how's this working for you?
I had to call a business and ask a few questions before making a visit today...in this case it was a bridal shop. What they do is not important, though, I've had this experience before.
What I wanted to ask went something like this:
"Hi, I'm __ and my sister in law is getting married this year. She has picked out her dresses, and I'd like to know if you have a particular style in stock so I can come in a try it on." That's it. Two sentences. Here's how the conversation actually went:
Me: "Hi, my sister in law is getting married
Lady: "What's her name."
pause
Me: "Well, she hasn't been to your shop, but it's close to me, so I'm asking about the bridesmaid dresses
Lady: "What Style"
pause
Me: "Jasmine" (insert dress number here)
Lady: "I have to check the internet to see if we have it in stock" *click*
and I'm on hold.
As if this weren't bad enough....after being on hold for awhile (a minute?) I hear a series of clicks, intermittent talking, then a long pause. No one's there. Then a repeat. I am assuming that whoever I was talking to didn't understand how to get the phone off of hold. I hung up...so infuriated...but I called back to try again.
Here's what I wanted to say: "Hi, I just called, but I think I got cut off. I was asking about a dress, to see if I could come try it on"
Here's what I got out of my mouth... "Hi, I just called" when I was interrupted with "you were talking to ___ hold on"*click* And I'm on hold again. For about two minutes. At this point I hung up and called the other shops on my list.
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I was taught not to interrupt when talking to someone. And I know I still do it, when I"m in a conversation with someone and we're really excited about what we're talking about. But I try really hard not to; you know why? BECAUSE IT'S ANNOYING. I can't stand being interrupted! I hate it! It is so incredibly rude! The thing is, I rarely notice it in family and friends (though sometimes I do), but it really gets under my skin when I'm trying to talk to a service provider of some kind. 99% Of the time the question they interrupt me with will be answered if they just LISTEN to what I want to say.
In this case, the story I related above, I called back again later, and was told that she "had other customers" and she would have to call me back about my question. I told her not to bother. The problem with starting off like this is that I get the impression that you won't listen to ANYTHING I want or say when I actually meet you in person! So after this exchange on the phone, do you actually think I'm going to come in and be bullied through trying on a dress and talking about alterations? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
To make a larger statement, in economic times like this, when people do less business because of their budget, and more of the business they do have over the internet, do you really think that this kind of phone manner is going to get you a whole lot of customers? To put it another way, how's this working for you?
Saturday, February 27, 2010
I can't say this too many times....or this well....
Those who know me know that there are many things that bother me. One is people who use the word "retard" in any form, at any time, and for any purpose. I'd like to tell you why it bothers me, but as luck would have it, an online friend did just that today on Facebook, and quite eloquently. She has an adorable little girl who happens to have Down syndrome. We've never met in real life, but I've been inspired and moved by her words more than once.....today she gave me permission to re-post these words here. Thanks, Rebecca. :)
Dear friends and family,
When you use the r-word, even in the most casual of terms, even when you follow it with "I'm not talking about E" or "I don't mean it like that", it doesn't take away from the fact that I am aware that anyone who can just randomly throw out such an ugly word in front of me or my child, likely uses it more when there is no need for excuses or reasons.
No worries there good buddy, pal, great friend of mine, there is no protection in place to prevent the use of this word in any form or fashion. It isn’t illegal to use the r-word.
There won’t be any r-word police there they next time you purposefully choose to utter that word. There isn’t a twelve-step program; there aren’t recovery groups for those who cannot stop using the word. No one is going to hold you accountable when or if you do say retard.
Do you remember the last time you saw my daughter? Whether it was in person, a photo, or video, did she seem any less human to you? Do you think that the quality of her life is any different from yours? Do you think that by merely having an extra chromosome she is any less worthy of respect? Does she look or act retarded, as you use it to describe individuals?
The word retard is unacceptable in any form. I am certain there are other words you can use to replace it. Retard is a pejorative, prejudice-laden, derogatory offensive term. When you choose the word retard or retarded, you are without any further thought, reminding me that there are plenty of people in this world who still make this word choice when describing individuals with Down syndrome, and many others, none of whom should be referred to as the r-word.
Let us not debate about when, where, or by whom you may feel the word retard is appropriate. Let’s avoid reviewing all the recent hype about usage of the r-word by those who have political influence, by those who are celebrities or are otherwise in the public eye. I am sick and tired of the video clips and banter about who was wrong, why it was wrong, and frankly, anyone can defend the usage of the word as acceptable for usage in satire or anything else for that matter.
The r-word is not acceptable streaming across the nations airways or behind the walls of closed political events. Contrary to your naïve belief there is certainly not an acceptable usage clause or disclaimer that provides you or any other friend and family member leniency when you elect to use the r-word.
Do not bite your tongue or quickly pitter-patter around your accidental usage in my presence. It is what it is and there is no way you can take that word back. If you are comfortable enough to use it in front of me or my child, you are just as wrong as those who have a large audience and great impact on their listeners. You should know better, everyone should know better, there is no excuse or reason for the r-word.
Now I shall direct you to the campaign to end the word. No, I am not asking you to mindlessly meander over to the page and join this cause merely because it only takes a few moments. No, I am not asking you to simply make a few mouse clicks and without any further thought to join the plight to end the r-word, that would be foolish. Do not join the group because you think it will serve as some good token for points because it looks as if you really do care—if you do not. Yes, I am fully aware that simply joining a cause does not require a follow through.
Please be aware that in my world, and the world of many others, the r-word is not ok today, tomorrow, or any time in the future. It should not be acceptable in your world either.
Stop using the r-word.
http://www.r-word.org/
Dear friends and family,
When you use the r-word, even in the most casual of terms, even when you follow it with "I'm not talking about E" or "I don't mean it like that", it doesn't take away from the fact that I am aware that anyone who can just randomly throw out such an ugly word in front of me or my child, likely uses it more when there is no need for excuses or reasons.
No worries there good buddy, pal, great friend of mine, there is no protection in place to prevent the use of this word in any form or fashion. It isn’t illegal to use the r-word.
There won’t be any r-word police there they next time you purposefully choose to utter that word. There isn’t a twelve-step program; there aren’t recovery groups for those who cannot stop using the word. No one is going to hold you accountable when or if you do say retard.
Do you remember the last time you saw my daughter? Whether it was in person, a photo, or video, did she seem any less human to you? Do you think that the quality of her life is any different from yours? Do you think that by merely having an extra chromosome she is any less worthy of respect? Does she look or act retarded, as you use it to describe individuals?
The word retard is unacceptable in any form. I am certain there are other words you can use to replace it. Retard is a pejorative, prejudice-laden, derogatory offensive term. When you choose the word retard or retarded, you are without any further thought, reminding me that there are plenty of people in this world who still make this word choice when describing individuals with Down syndrome, and many others, none of whom should be referred to as the r-word.
Let us not debate about when, where, or by whom you may feel the word retard is appropriate. Let’s avoid reviewing all the recent hype about usage of the r-word by those who have political influence, by those who are celebrities or are otherwise in the public eye. I am sick and tired of the video clips and banter about who was wrong, why it was wrong, and frankly, anyone can defend the usage of the word as acceptable for usage in satire or anything else for that matter.
The r-word is not acceptable streaming across the nations airways or behind the walls of closed political events. Contrary to your naïve belief there is certainly not an acceptable usage clause or disclaimer that provides you or any other friend and family member leniency when you elect to use the r-word.
Do not bite your tongue or quickly pitter-patter around your accidental usage in my presence. It is what it is and there is no way you can take that word back. If you are comfortable enough to use it in front of me or my child, you are just as wrong as those who have a large audience and great impact on their listeners. You should know better, everyone should know better, there is no excuse or reason for the r-word.
Now I shall direct you to the campaign to end the word. No, I am not asking you to mindlessly meander over to the page and join this cause merely because it only takes a few moments. No, I am not asking you to simply make a few mouse clicks and without any further thought to join the plight to end the r-word, that would be foolish. Do not join the group because you think it will serve as some good token for points because it looks as if you really do care—if you do not. Yes, I am fully aware that simply joining a cause does not require a follow through.
Please be aware that in my world, and the world of many others, the r-word is not ok today, tomorrow, or any time in the future. It should not be acceptable in your world either.
Stop using the r-word.
http://www.r-word.org/
Thursday, December 10, 2009
off the cuff
I probably need to calm down before I write this, but if I can't vent to the blog, who's left?
We have been lucky to have good insurance (disclaimer: this is NOT post about health reform....I'm purposely staying away from that until I HAVE calmed down). We were very very fortunate that with Tiny Man and all of his issues, despite some heated phone calls with insurance, we did not have to pay for much of his care. I know I am one of the lucky ones, and I can assure you that when I count my blessings, health insurance is near the top. Considering all we've been through, we've had a remarkably easy time.
That having been said, there are some things that have irritated me to no end. A few months after Tiny man was born we recieved a bill from Children's Hospital for some of his care. I knew it should be covered, but there were some issues since we had switched insurances from mine to Hubby's (when I decided to stay home my benefits were suspended, as I was "on leave" for two years). It took SIX MONTHS and I don't know how many phone calls to insurance and to Detroit to sort it all out. It wound up okay.
When we started therapy at a private clinic to help Tiny Man develop properly (Physical Therapy and Occupational therapy is common in children with Down syndrome), there were so many loopholes it made my head spin. Do you know that most insurances will not pay for Physical Therapy for children with Down syndrome, because DS is incurable? Therefor, they think they'll be paying for life (more $$ out of their pocket). This even though therapy is PROVEN to help children with DS lead normal lives, and many will not need it after ages three or four. Anyway, there was some careful tracking, careful wording on prescriptions, and careful careful evaluation speech to make it happen. Could we have paid for it out of pocket? Not as much as he needed, we couldn't.
Since Tiny man passed, we've been receiving Explanation of Benefit statements from our insurance saying that things were paid or not paid. We've received several saying that they did not pay hospice for the last two days of Tiny Man's life.
Let me amend that. It wasn't really two days. It was EIGHTEEN HOURS. Six pm on 2/13/08 to twelve oh six pm on 2/14/08. Eighteen hours and six minutes.
I guess hospice got sick of arguing with them, because today we got a bill.
I don't blame hospice. It isn't an astronomical amount of money. It's less than we spent on Christmas gifts. We can pay it, thankfully. They do good work and they should be paid.
But I"m angry.
I'm just angry at a system that is charging me for what is very obviously the last eighteen hours of my child's life. Any person could look through the billing history at the insurance company and figure out what's going on. But they won't. They haven't. They just said no.
I'm so angry, and part of me doesn't know who to be angry at.
We have been lucky to have good insurance (disclaimer: this is NOT post about health reform....I'm purposely staying away from that until I HAVE calmed down). We were very very fortunate that with Tiny Man and all of his issues, despite some heated phone calls with insurance, we did not have to pay for much of his care. I know I am one of the lucky ones, and I can assure you that when I count my blessings, health insurance is near the top. Considering all we've been through, we've had a remarkably easy time.
That having been said, there are some things that have irritated me to no end. A few months after Tiny man was born we recieved a bill from Children's Hospital for some of his care. I knew it should be covered, but there were some issues since we had switched insurances from mine to Hubby's (when I decided to stay home my benefits were suspended, as I was "on leave" for two years). It took SIX MONTHS and I don't know how many phone calls to insurance and to Detroit to sort it all out. It wound up okay.
When we started therapy at a private clinic to help Tiny Man develop properly (Physical Therapy and Occupational therapy is common in children with Down syndrome), there were so many loopholes it made my head spin. Do you know that most insurances will not pay for Physical Therapy for children with Down syndrome, because DS is incurable? Therefor, they think they'll be paying for life (more $$ out of their pocket). This even though therapy is PROVEN to help children with DS lead normal lives, and many will not need it after ages three or four. Anyway, there was some careful tracking, careful wording on prescriptions, and careful careful evaluation speech to make it happen. Could we have paid for it out of pocket? Not as much as he needed, we couldn't.
Since Tiny man passed, we've been receiving Explanation of Benefit statements from our insurance saying that things were paid or not paid. We've received several saying that they did not pay hospice for the last two days of Tiny Man's life.
Let me amend that. It wasn't really two days. It was EIGHTEEN HOURS. Six pm on 2/13/08 to twelve oh six pm on 2/14/08. Eighteen hours and six minutes.
I guess hospice got sick of arguing with them, because today we got a bill.
I don't blame hospice. It isn't an astronomical amount of money. It's less than we spent on Christmas gifts. We can pay it, thankfully. They do good work and they should be paid.
But I"m angry.
I'm just angry at a system that is charging me for what is very obviously the last eighteen hours of my child's life. Any person could look through the billing history at the insurance company and figure out what's going on. But they won't. They haven't. They just said no.
I'm so angry, and part of me doesn't know who to be angry at.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Consider me ruffled
I guess it was bound to happen. We get more connected via Facebook and Twitter, and we are exposed to a greater number of opinions.
I don't need to agree with everything all of my friends and acquaintences think....what a boring life. But is it so wrong of me to think that people should actually KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT before they go shooting their mouths off?
I have seen several posts on Facebook over the past couple of days, all by friends who do not care for the President or his policies, blaming him for the new recommendation that women not get mammograms until they are fifty.
Okay, so I don't like this new decision regarding women's health either. It's a post for another time, but I think it's crazy. But I just wish people would do their homework, figure out who to blame, THEN launch into their tirade....not blame it on a president they already don't like, just because they can.
Like the President....don't like him. That's your right as a citizen; but for the love of God don't make yourself look ignorant by not doing your homework.
I don't need to agree with everything all of my friends and acquaintences think....what a boring life. But is it so wrong of me to think that people should actually KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT before they go shooting their mouths off?
I have seen several posts on Facebook over the past couple of days, all by friends who do not care for the President or his policies, blaming him for the new recommendation that women not get mammograms until they are fifty.
Okay, so I don't like this new decision regarding women's health either. It's a post for another time, but I think it's crazy. But I just wish people would do their homework, figure out who to blame, THEN launch into their tirade....not blame it on a president they already don't like, just because they can.
Like the President....don't like him. That's your right as a citizen; but for the love of God don't make yourself look ignorant by not doing your homework.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
"helpful"
Took a quick trip to Michael's today to get some Christmas scrapbook supplies. As if I don't have enough scrapbook supplies.
Anyway.
The plan was for me to do Michael's with Toast, and for Hubby to go to Home Depot (known as "Home Despot" in our house)...Hubby actually needed to do some investigating and asking for help at the Despot, which is better accomplished without a Toast in tow.
So there I am, in Michael's...Toast has started a constant whine which is neverending, unceasing, and interspersed with some verbiage that I'm still not clear about, meaning wise. It goes something like this.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh mamamamamamamama pODGHKCgpoingdkagnoeb;achklsek eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
That one last nerve that gets me to Saturday? Yeah, it's slowly PING-ing away, like a rope breaking all it's fibers in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
We checkout, and since most stores think that you need ten receipts (one receipt that is approximately 10 meters long, accompanied by three coupons, two advertisements, four circulars, and assorted partridges in pear trees), I'm attempting to stuff all that paper in my wallet. There is, of course, a line. And out of one ear all I can hear is this:
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh mamamamamamamama pODGHKCgpoingdkagnoeb;achklsek eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
....droning on at the approximate volume and key of a lawn mower heard from three streets away at seven in the morning on a sunday after a long night.
Not that I know what that sounds like.
So my bag is sitting on the counter, waiting for me to grab it. And I haven't gone anywhere (because I'm still stuffing). The gentleman behind me picks up my bag, nudges my elbow, and stands there with it in his hand.
The bag is now at the same level and station it was before, only having been moved about one food to the left and held by an actual human hand. The human hand sends a message: PICK UP YOUR BAG, LADY, AND GET OUT OF THE WAY SO MY WIFE CAN CHECK OUT.
I look at the man, and trying to be nice (didn't he notice the flames shooting out of my ears?), I say to him "thank you, I'll get that in a moment"
"I'm just trying to be helpful!" he says.
I take a deep breath, and all I say is thank you. Sometimes I don't have enough patience for my son and the rest of the world. This is one of those times. I've found it's better, in situations like this, just to say thank you and not read any further into the situation.
But really, if this ever happens to you...if you are that man? PICKING UP THE BAG DOES NOT HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway.
The plan was for me to do Michael's with Toast, and for Hubby to go to Home Depot (known as "Home Despot" in our house)...Hubby actually needed to do some investigating and asking for help at the Despot, which is better accomplished without a Toast in tow.
So there I am, in Michael's...Toast has started a constant whine which is neverending, unceasing, and interspersed with some verbiage that I'm still not clear about, meaning wise. It goes something like this.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh mamamamamamamama pODGHKCgpoingdkagnoeb;achklsek eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
That one last nerve that gets me to Saturday? Yeah, it's slowly PING-ing away, like a rope breaking all it's fibers in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
We checkout, and since most stores think that you need ten receipts (one receipt that is approximately 10 meters long, accompanied by three coupons, two advertisements, four circulars, and assorted partridges in pear trees), I'm attempting to stuff all that paper in my wallet. There is, of course, a line. And out of one ear all I can hear is this:
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh mamamamamamamama pODGHKCgpoingdkagnoeb;achklsek eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
....droning on at the approximate volume and key of a lawn mower heard from three streets away at seven in the morning on a sunday after a long night.
Not that I know what that sounds like.
So my bag is sitting on the counter, waiting for me to grab it. And I haven't gone anywhere (because I'm still stuffing). The gentleman behind me picks up my bag, nudges my elbow, and stands there with it in his hand.
The bag is now at the same level and station it was before, only having been moved about one food to the left and held by an actual human hand. The human hand sends a message: PICK UP YOUR BAG, LADY, AND GET OUT OF THE WAY SO MY WIFE CAN CHECK OUT.
I look at the man, and trying to be nice (didn't he notice the flames shooting out of my ears?), I say to him "thank you, I'll get that in a moment"
"I'm just trying to be helpful!" he says.
I take a deep breath, and all I say is thank you. Sometimes I don't have enough patience for my son and the rest of the world. This is one of those times. I've found it's better, in situations like this, just to say thank you and not read any further into the situation.
But really, if this ever happens to you...if you are that man? PICKING UP THE BAG DOES NOT HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tight
It's just after seven, and I've just put Toast to bed. We are both exhausted. Today my sweet, laid back and happy boy had a very hard afternoon. I, of course, also had a hard afternoon. I'm struggling with my feelings right now...and I'm having a very very hard time.
It began after nap time. T woke up in a rotten mood and cried for about fifteen minutes. I tried to snack him, snuggle him, lay down with him in our bed, rock him, put him back in the crib for more sleep. He just wanted to whine and cry, alternately..together..separately...it didn't matter. He wanted to whine and cry.
So we got out of the house, went to the park then to a neighbor's for a little while...and it was lovely. The day is beautiful. Came home, ate dinner...then had more of the same...whine and cry. After dinner we went out to the deck, I was going to browse a book and I brought out toys for Toast. He came to my lap, grabbed a handful of clothing (I cannot tell you how this irritates me) and started to cry. It was 6:15. He did not stop for the next 45 minutes.
My chest, stomach, back, breath..all of it...are so tight right now I cannot relax. I am afraid if I start to cry I will not stop. There is nothing that brought on a tantrum. There is nothing wrong. There is nothing out of the ordinary. Apparently it's just an overload of emotions that had to be released.
When this happens, when Toby melts down...and it's not often...he likes to grab...he takes his fist and grabs handfuls of my clothing and pulls on it. It's uncomfortable and irritating. If it were an adult I would probably lose control and yell stop it. If it persisted, I would probably smack the person or walk away. Everyone has their trigger, and I didn't know this was mine...it irritates me beyond belief. BUT being the bigger, stronger, smarter one, I have to keep myself in check...and I do. But it's so hard sometimes to remind myself to be calm, distract, speak, soothe.
Toast is very very determined and stubborn. If he doesn't get his way, he screams and cries. I think this is common in toddlers, yes? If he wants to do something, and can't, he whines, or screams, or cries. If he is headed for something he's not supposed to do, and is blocked...the same. But what am I supposed to do when we are sitting on the deck on a lovely evening, and he will not play. If I get down to pay attention, he will play on his own. If I sit aways away to do something else, he will stop and come be near me, pull, whine. I try very very hard to remind myself that he is telling me something important...that he wants mom and needs my attention. But sometimes I just want a moment. Is it his age? It just sounds like I'm so selfish. I just read what I wrote and I'm so ashamed. But how do kids learn to be independant? I don't expect it now...but what is the line...when do I help and when do I not? When do I assert my right to sit and read a damn book for five minutes.
This parenting thing is so difficult. It's such a struggle. Am I the first mom who just needs a little break now and then? I cannot believe people do this on their own. I cannot believe that people undertake this job, willingly, alone.
It began after nap time. T woke up in a rotten mood and cried for about fifteen minutes. I tried to snack him, snuggle him, lay down with him in our bed, rock him, put him back in the crib for more sleep. He just wanted to whine and cry, alternately..together..separately...it didn't matter. He wanted to whine and cry.
So we got out of the house, went to the park then to a neighbor's for a little while...and it was lovely. The day is beautiful. Came home, ate dinner...then had more of the same...whine and cry. After dinner we went out to the deck, I was going to browse a book and I brought out toys for Toast. He came to my lap, grabbed a handful of clothing (I cannot tell you how this irritates me) and started to cry. It was 6:15. He did not stop for the next 45 minutes.
My chest, stomach, back, breath..all of it...are so tight right now I cannot relax. I am afraid if I start to cry I will not stop. There is nothing that brought on a tantrum. There is nothing wrong. There is nothing out of the ordinary. Apparently it's just an overload of emotions that had to be released.
When this happens, when Toby melts down...and it's not often...he likes to grab...he takes his fist and grabs handfuls of my clothing and pulls on it. It's uncomfortable and irritating. If it were an adult I would probably lose control and yell stop it. If it persisted, I would probably smack the person or walk away. Everyone has their trigger, and I didn't know this was mine...it irritates me beyond belief. BUT being the bigger, stronger, smarter one, I have to keep myself in check...and I do. But it's so hard sometimes to remind myself to be calm, distract, speak, soothe.
Toast is very very determined and stubborn. If he doesn't get his way, he screams and cries. I think this is common in toddlers, yes? If he wants to do something, and can't, he whines, or screams, or cries. If he is headed for something he's not supposed to do, and is blocked...the same. But what am I supposed to do when we are sitting on the deck on a lovely evening, and he will not play. If I get down to pay attention, he will play on his own. If I sit aways away to do something else, he will stop and come be near me, pull, whine. I try very very hard to remind myself that he is telling me something important...that he wants mom and needs my attention. But sometimes I just want a moment. Is it his age? It just sounds like I'm so selfish. I just read what I wrote and I'm so ashamed. But how do kids learn to be independant? I don't expect it now...but what is the line...when do I help and when do I not? When do I assert my right to sit and read a damn book for five minutes.
This parenting thing is so difficult. It's such a struggle. Am I the first mom who just needs a little break now and then? I cannot believe people do this on their own. I cannot believe that people undertake this job, willingly, alone.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Snippit
I just finished making copies of Tiny Man's death certificate to send in with our Taxes. I had to do this because when we tried to Efile, our return was rejected with a note saying it was due to SS numbers. Our preparer suspects it may have something to do with Tiny Man's number and his death being recorded on SS records.
It's not that this was a big hassle, but I resent having to do it. It's not like I enjoy claiming him as a dependant knowing he's not any more. And I didn't really enjoy making copies of a document I'd still rather pretend didn't exist.
Thank you, Universe, for conspiring against me today.
And I swear...if they audit us for this......
It's not that this was a big hassle, but I resent having to do it. It's not like I enjoy claiming him as a dependant knowing he's not any more. And I didn't really enjoy making copies of a document I'd still rather pretend didn't exist.
Thank you, Universe, for conspiring against me today.
And I swear...if they audit us for this......
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I have to talk about this.
I've written a little about my feelings on language and perception regarding people with Down syndrome and other developmental disabilities. When I did so, though, I was talking more about issues that are different than what's on my mind today...
...when I was teaching, it used to really really get me when kids would use the word "Gay". "That's so Gay, you're so Gay, how Gay". Just drove me up a WALL. I would call them on it, each and every time. Some smartass would always say "it means happy!" Another teacher I knew had the BEST comeback for that. She would tell them "Oh, so one genius learns how to use a Thesaurus and now you're all excited!" She was an English Teacher. It was a great line. Likewise, I hated when kids would call something "retarded", or call each other "retard". We actually had a student once who auditioned an act for one of the school's variety shows where he portrayed a mentally challenged man sitting and waiting for a bus. Muscular tics, facial expressions, speech patterns, all of it.
He didn't understand why his act didn't get in the show. Really. He didn't get it.
This is my issue. People don't get it. "Retard", to most people, isn't mean. I understand that in the original context, the word is not meant to BE mean. It means slower. I get that. But the way we use it now? It's mean. It's hurtful. And people don't get it. Kristin Chenowith, an actress I greatly admire, referred to herself as "one of those retards who starts playing Christmas music in October" on the Today show this past holiday season. Really? That's okay?
Here's what you need to get: the word is offensive. When you look at someone doing something stupid, something without thought, something they should know better than to do, and call them a retard? Yeah, that's offensive. You just compared someone being purposefully dumb to my oldest son. He isn't slower ON PURPOSE. He's just slower. He didn't learn to crawl or walk. Not because he knew how and decided not to, not as a joke, not because he made a stupid error. He did it because his growth and development were, let's use the word as it is supposed to be used: retarded. Slower. Not dumb. My son was not dumb. Not stupid.
I think people don't get that THEY might not be offended by a word...but THEY have no reason to be. They are not the one who is developing slower.
That's why, when reading an online friend's blog today, I was so happy to see this. And this. And finally, this.
Please, click through. Take a moment. I will, as bloggers love to say, wait.
Done? Okay. Thanks for looking.
Today, March 31, has been designated as a national day of awareness by Special Olympics. "Spread the word to end the word". Please, people, take a few minutes to pay attention to your own language, maybe for the next few days. Did you use the "R" word? Could you have avoided it?
Tell you what. Next time you feel compelled to use that word, consider this:
This is my Tiny man. He and his brother are the light of my life. I love him and I miss him so very very much. When you use the word retard, you are negating every single thing he accomplished during his life. You are ignoring the struggle, the miracle, the magic of a little boy who just wanted to live life joyfully.
Let's just think a little, okay?
Think about that next time you use "the word".
...when I was teaching, it used to really really get me when kids would use the word "Gay". "That's so Gay, you're so Gay, how Gay". Just drove me up a WALL. I would call them on it, each and every time. Some smartass would always say "it means happy!" Another teacher I knew had the BEST comeback for that. She would tell them "Oh, so one genius learns how to use a Thesaurus and now you're all excited!" She was an English Teacher. It was a great line. Likewise, I hated when kids would call something "retarded", or call each other "retard". We actually had a student once who auditioned an act for one of the school's variety shows where he portrayed a mentally challenged man sitting and waiting for a bus. Muscular tics, facial expressions, speech patterns, all of it.
He didn't understand why his act didn't get in the show. Really. He didn't get it.
This is my issue. People don't get it. "Retard", to most people, isn't mean. I understand that in the original context, the word is not meant to BE mean. It means slower. I get that. But the way we use it now? It's mean. It's hurtful. And people don't get it. Kristin Chenowith, an actress I greatly admire, referred to herself as "one of those retards who starts playing Christmas music in October" on the Today show this past holiday season. Really? That's okay?
Here's what you need to get: the word is offensive. When you look at someone doing something stupid, something without thought, something they should know better than to do, and call them a retard? Yeah, that's offensive. You just compared someone being purposefully dumb to my oldest son. He isn't slower ON PURPOSE. He's just slower. He didn't learn to crawl or walk. Not because he knew how and decided not to, not as a joke, not because he made a stupid error. He did it because his growth and development were, let's use the word as it is supposed to be used: retarded. Slower. Not dumb. My son was not dumb. Not stupid.
I think people don't get that THEY might not be offended by a word...but THEY have no reason to be. They are not the one who is developing slower.
That's why, when reading an online friend's blog today, I was so happy to see this. And this. And finally, this.
Please, click through. Take a moment. I will, as bloggers love to say, wait.
Done? Okay. Thanks for looking.
Today, March 31, has been designated as a national day of awareness by Special Olympics. "Spread the word to end the word". Please, people, take a few minutes to pay attention to your own language, maybe for the next few days. Did you use the "R" word? Could you have avoided it?
Tell you what. Next time you feel compelled to use that word, consider this:
This is my Tiny man. He and his brother are the light of my life. I love him and I miss him so very very much. When you use the word retard, you are negating every single thing he accomplished during his life. You are ignoring the struggle, the miracle, the magic of a little boy who just wanted to live life joyfully. Let's just think a little, okay?
Think about that next time you use "the word".
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
sometimes people get in the way
I'm thinking the past few days about human nature...not in the road-rage sense...not in the "I have to deal with this co-worker" sense. Just in the sense that we all have to interact with other people (unless you live in a box, in which case I hope it's lovely). The problem is that when we interact with other people, we all give something and get something. I guess this isn't a problem, per se, unless you are trying to achieve a common goal, then your personal needs can get in the way.
I was brought up in a house where volunteerism was encouraged and practiced. We didn't talk about it. It wasn't a "big deal"...it wasn't something my parents told my sister and I we needed to do, had to do, should do. But it was modeled for us, and it was modeled in a very meaningful way. I think that many people think of volunteering and they think it will be so hard, you have to find a place, you have to go sign up, and commit all that time. But my parents taught me that when you find an organization that means something to you, you give your time to it. In our case, it was things my sister and I were involved in: Scouts, 4-H, Band trips, school....if help was needed my parents were available. Not always, but many times. I know that to them it was a way of being around my sister and I, of taking part in what we were doing. Sometimes it was just "we'll be there anyway, might as well help out". Whatever it was, I saw my parents helping, doing, being there for others. Because they were committed to what they were doing, I saw that being helpful is a part of being a good person, of leading a fulfilling life. It's important.
When I began teaching I often went over and above...I stayed after, got involved in activities. I guess it looks good on a resume, but really I did it because I loved being around the kids I taught, and I loved being able to get to know them outside the classroom. I really really liked laughing with kids while supervising and directing the variety show. I loved going to football games, wrestling matches, plays, concerts and seeing someone who was dismal in Chemistry really really shine at something else. I got to know my students as people.
Now that I stay at home, I volunteer for a couple of different organizations. As I said before, they are places that are near and dear to me. Organizations that mean something to me. And I love every minute of interaction I have in helping these places out. But something has been bothering me lately, and it's really got me in a huff. It really really bothers me when people volunteer and instead of helping the organization, need to have their own ego stoked. Sometimes it's really really obvious....someone on their little power trip, doing everything they can to let other people know that someone is in charge, someone has all the ideas, and everyone had better listen. Sometimes it's not so obvious, and not so, well...mean. Sometimes a person with the best of intentions just tries to do everything...and in the process they wear themselves out, piss other people off, and run the whole outfit into the ground.
I guess the reason it gets to frustrating is because so much is at stake. If the organization is important to you personally, you want the best for it. You think you can do it better, so you try. I hate when people complain about how things are run, then sit back and don't do anything to make it better. But sometimes I think it's worse to complain how things are run, and then get so involved that you start offending people personally. Worse yet, you get involved hoping to change things, and cannot see your own limitations.
Basically, as with most situations in life, ego plays it's part here. We want to know we are important. We want others to know that what we care about matters. But please, people....lets take a minute to think about how we communicate with others. Let's take a minute to remember that maybe we all want the same thing.
So many problems can be so easily solved by trying some simple things. Don't talk behind someone's back. Think before you speak. Think before you type. Read what you type. If you have a million things going on in your head, put them aside and focus on the task and the person in front of you, just for a minute. If you can't, then be honest enough to say so. Doing anything less is so disrespectful to the people you are working with and cause you believe in.
I was brought up in a house where volunteerism was encouraged and practiced. We didn't talk about it. It wasn't a "big deal"...it wasn't something my parents told my sister and I we needed to do, had to do, should do. But it was modeled for us, and it was modeled in a very meaningful way. I think that many people think of volunteering and they think it will be so hard, you have to find a place, you have to go sign up, and commit all that time. But my parents taught me that when you find an organization that means something to you, you give your time to it. In our case, it was things my sister and I were involved in: Scouts, 4-H, Band trips, school....if help was needed my parents were available. Not always, but many times. I know that to them it was a way of being around my sister and I, of taking part in what we were doing. Sometimes it was just "we'll be there anyway, might as well help out". Whatever it was, I saw my parents helping, doing, being there for others. Because they were committed to what they were doing, I saw that being helpful is a part of being a good person, of leading a fulfilling life. It's important.
When I began teaching I often went over and above...I stayed after, got involved in activities. I guess it looks good on a resume, but really I did it because I loved being around the kids I taught, and I loved being able to get to know them outside the classroom. I really really liked laughing with kids while supervising and directing the variety show. I loved going to football games, wrestling matches, plays, concerts and seeing someone who was dismal in Chemistry really really shine at something else. I got to know my students as people.
Now that I stay at home, I volunteer for a couple of different organizations. As I said before, they are places that are near and dear to me. Organizations that mean something to me. And I love every minute of interaction I have in helping these places out. But something has been bothering me lately, and it's really got me in a huff. It really really bothers me when people volunteer and instead of helping the organization, need to have their own ego stoked. Sometimes it's really really obvious....someone on their little power trip, doing everything they can to let other people know that someone is in charge, someone has all the ideas, and everyone had better listen. Sometimes it's not so obvious, and not so, well...mean. Sometimes a person with the best of intentions just tries to do everything...and in the process they wear themselves out, piss other people off, and run the whole outfit into the ground.
I guess the reason it gets to frustrating is because so much is at stake. If the organization is important to you personally, you want the best for it. You think you can do it better, so you try. I hate when people complain about how things are run, then sit back and don't do anything to make it better. But sometimes I think it's worse to complain how things are run, and then get so involved that you start offending people personally. Worse yet, you get involved hoping to change things, and cannot see your own limitations.
Basically, as with most situations in life, ego plays it's part here. We want to know we are important. We want others to know that what we care about matters. But please, people....lets take a minute to think about how we communicate with others. Let's take a minute to remember that maybe we all want the same thing.
So many problems can be so easily solved by trying some simple things. Don't talk behind someone's back. Think before you speak. Think before you type. Read what you type. If you have a million things going on in your head, put them aside and focus on the task and the person in front of you, just for a minute. If you can't, then be honest enough to say so. Doing anything less is so disrespectful to the people you are working with and cause you believe in.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Oh. Lord.
Today I saw this on a scrapbooking blog and I almost spewed coffee out my nose. And not at all in that "hey, that's really funny in a good way" way.
Paris Hilton unveils a line of arts and crafts products? Seriously? This is what we're doing now?
At least it really does indicate that arts - n - crafts is "hot" right now.
I just wish it weren't so skeezy all of a sudden.
Today I saw this on a scrapbooking blog and I almost spewed coffee out my nose. And not at all in that "hey, that's really funny in a good way" way.
Paris Hilton unveils a line of arts and crafts products? Seriously? This is what we're doing now?
At least it really does indicate that arts - n - crafts is "hot" right now.
I just wish it weren't so skeezy all of a sudden.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Love/Hate
I love costco. I love that I can buy cleaning products to nurture my OCD in very very large packages. I love to walk around and know that I will never need a gallon of powdered coffee creamer, but someone does, and there is a place that provides it. I love that they sell boxes of greeting cards that are cheap and keep me from forgetting to buy a card for someone when their birthday comes up. I love that their milk comes in gallon jugs that are stackable. I love the diapers they sell, because they are cheap and work really really well.
But if I have to deal with one more intersection of four aisles completely blockaded by carts piloted by inconsiderate assholes who are doing nothing other than waiting for a slice of a pecan crusted chicken finger, I swear I will lose every last shred of decency I have and go completely batshit. I don't care that you have all the time in the world to block my progress and that of eight other people. I don't care that you think you are being considerate because you got your fucking chicken finger and now you are steering your cart through the melee, thinking you are getting out of the way when in fact you are MAKING THE PROBLEM WORSE. I came in for a gallon of milk, some eggs, and a greek salad. Get out of my way. I have other asses to kiss today...yours is not on the list. Don't even think of giving me that "we're all in this together" smile, because we are NOT in this together. I don't want the chicken strip, goddammit.
And I'm spent. I'll have to leave my thoughts on the general sociology of the free sample people for later.
But if I have to deal with one more intersection of four aisles completely blockaded by carts piloted by inconsiderate assholes who are doing nothing other than waiting for a slice of a pecan crusted chicken finger, I swear I will lose every last shred of decency I have and go completely batshit. I don't care that you have all the time in the world to block my progress and that of eight other people. I don't care that you think you are being considerate because you got your fucking chicken finger and now you are steering your cart through the melee, thinking you are getting out of the way when in fact you are MAKING THE PROBLEM WORSE. I came in for a gallon of milk, some eggs, and a greek salad. Get out of my way. I have other asses to kiss today...yours is not on the list. Don't even think of giving me that "we're all in this together" smile, because we are NOT in this together. I don't want the chicken strip, goddammit.
And I'm spent. I'll have to leave my thoughts on the general sociology of the free sample people for later.
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