I've been thinking for a long time about writing on this blog my thoughts regarding the health care debate. I've been having a hard time putting them concisely, though, and I feel that much has been said in one sided forums like this. I'd like to leave it alone.
I would, however, for the record, like to comment on a broader issue surrounding the health care debate that has me troubled. It's the absence of intelligent debate. The absence of knowledge and intelligence when discussing a topic. The tendency toward hysteria, rhetoric, lies, meanness, and recently (and most disappointingly), reports of racism in public demonstrations.
Look. You ARE entitled to your opinion. Yes, I mean that. Yes, even when it's different from mine. But I'm tired of the passive-aggressiveness involved in this debate. AND even though I happen to be in favor of the idea of health care overhaul, I think there is plenty of shame to go around on both sides. It makes me weary. It saddens me, and not only because I see a nation that doesn't want to debate what (in my opinion, yes) is a basic human need, but because in all of this discussion I haven't seen evidence of a single well-constructed argument from our lawmakers on either side.
The presence of multiple forums in our lives where we seem to be able to say whatever we want without being held accountable. Things we would NEVER say to another person's face..(I'm looking at you, facebook)..these things just make it worse. I'm so appalled at some of the things people have been writing.
Shame on us. Shame on us for making this discussion about our own selfishness and not about people. Shame on us for not doing better for our country. Shame on both sides.
Showing posts with label issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label issues. Show all posts
Monday, March 22, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
I can't say this too many times....or this well....
Those who know me know that there are many things that bother me. One is people who use the word "retard" in any form, at any time, and for any purpose. I'd like to tell you why it bothers me, but as luck would have it, an online friend did just that today on Facebook, and quite eloquently. She has an adorable little girl who happens to have Down syndrome. We've never met in real life, but I've been inspired and moved by her words more than once.....today she gave me permission to re-post these words here. Thanks, Rebecca. :)
Dear friends and family,
When you use the r-word, even in the most casual of terms, even when you follow it with "I'm not talking about E" or "I don't mean it like that", it doesn't take away from the fact that I am aware that anyone who can just randomly throw out such an ugly word in front of me or my child, likely uses it more when there is no need for excuses or reasons.
No worries there good buddy, pal, great friend of mine, there is no protection in place to prevent the use of this word in any form or fashion. It isn’t illegal to use the r-word.
There won’t be any r-word police there they next time you purposefully choose to utter that word. There isn’t a twelve-step program; there aren’t recovery groups for those who cannot stop using the word. No one is going to hold you accountable when or if you do say retard.
Do you remember the last time you saw my daughter? Whether it was in person, a photo, or video, did she seem any less human to you? Do you think that the quality of her life is any different from yours? Do you think that by merely having an extra chromosome she is any less worthy of respect? Does she look or act retarded, as you use it to describe individuals?
The word retard is unacceptable in any form. I am certain there are other words you can use to replace it. Retard is a pejorative, prejudice-laden, derogatory offensive term. When you choose the word retard or retarded, you are without any further thought, reminding me that there are plenty of people in this world who still make this word choice when describing individuals with Down syndrome, and many others, none of whom should be referred to as the r-word.
Let us not debate about when, where, or by whom you may feel the word retard is appropriate. Let’s avoid reviewing all the recent hype about usage of the r-word by those who have political influence, by those who are celebrities or are otherwise in the public eye. I am sick and tired of the video clips and banter about who was wrong, why it was wrong, and frankly, anyone can defend the usage of the word as acceptable for usage in satire or anything else for that matter.
The r-word is not acceptable streaming across the nations airways or behind the walls of closed political events. Contrary to your naïve belief there is certainly not an acceptable usage clause or disclaimer that provides you or any other friend and family member leniency when you elect to use the r-word.
Do not bite your tongue or quickly pitter-patter around your accidental usage in my presence. It is what it is and there is no way you can take that word back. If you are comfortable enough to use it in front of me or my child, you are just as wrong as those who have a large audience and great impact on their listeners. You should know better, everyone should know better, there is no excuse or reason for the r-word.
Now I shall direct you to the campaign to end the word. No, I am not asking you to mindlessly meander over to the page and join this cause merely because it only takes a few moments. No, I am not asking you to simply make a few mouse clicks and without any further thought to join the plight to end the r-word, that would be foolish. Do not join the group because you think it will serve as some good token for points because it looks as if you really do care—if you do not. Yes, I am fully aware that simply joining a cause does not require a follow through.
Please be aware that in my world, and the world of many others, the r-word is not ok today, tomorrow, or any time in the future. It should not be acceptable in your world either.
Stop using the r-word.
http://www.r-word.org/
Dear friends and family,
When you use the r-word, even in the most casual of terms, even when you follow it with "I'm not talking about E" or "I don't mean it like that", it doesn't take away from the fact that I am aware that anyone who can just randomly throw out such an ugly word in front of me or my child, likely uses it more when there is no need for excuses or reasons.
No worries there good buddy, pal, great friend of mine, there is no protection in place to prevent the use of this word in any form or fashion. It isn’t illegal to use the r-word.
There won’t be any r-word police there they next time you purposefully choose to utter that word. There isn’t a twelve-step program; there aren’t recovery groups for those who cannot stop using the word. No one is going to hold you accountable when or if you do say retard.
Do you remember the last time you saw my daughter? Whether it was in person, a photo, or video, did she seem any less human to you? Do you think that the quality of her life is any different from yours? Do you think that by merely having an extra chromosome she is any less worthy of respect? Does she look or act retarded, as you use it to describe individuals?
The word retard is unacceptable in any form. I am certain there are other words you can use to replace it. Retard is a pejorative, prejudice-laden, derogatory offensive term. When you choose the word retard or retarded, you are without any further thought, reminding me that there are plenty of people in this world who still make this word choice when describing individuals with Down syndrome, and many others, none of whom should be referred to as the r-word.
Let us not debate about when, where, or by whom you may feel the word retard is appropriate. Let’s avoid reviewing all the recent hype about usage of the r-word by those who have political influence, by those who are celebrities or are otherwise in the public eye. I am sick and tired of the video clips and banter about who was wrong, why it was wrong, and frankly, anyone can defend the usage of the word as acceptable for usage in satire or anything else for that matter.
The r-word is not acceptable streaming across the nations airways or behind the walls of closed political events. Contrary to your naïve belief there is certainly not an acceptable usage clause or disclaimer that provides you or any other friend and family member leniency when you elect to use the r-word.
Do not bite your tongue or quickly pitter-patter around your accidental usage in my presence. It is what it is and there is no way you can take that word back. If you are comfortable enough to use it in front of me or my child, you are just as wrong as those who have a large audience and great impact on their listeners. You should know better, everyone should know better, there is no excuse or reason for the r-word.
Now I shall direct you to the campaign to end the word. No, I am not asking you to mindlessly meander over to the page and join this cause merely because it only takes a few moments. No, I am not asking you to simply make a few mouse clicks and without any further thought to join the plight to end the r-word, that would be foolish. Do not join the group because you think it will serve as some good token for points because it looks as if you really do care—if you do not. Yes, I am fully aware that simply joining a cause does not require a follow through.
Please be aware that in my world, and the world of many others, the r-word is not ok today, tomorrow, or any time in the future. It should not be acceptable in your world either.
Stop using the r-word.
http://www.r-word.org/
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
So here's the thing
It's not that it's all that hard to forgive, right? I mean, we do it a hundred times a day without thinking of it. My son dumps some eggs on the floor, I take a deep breath and we clean it up together. Sure, I'm annoyed, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter, right? Or someone cuts you off in traffic. You get angry, you get frustrated, you get over it.
For me, the issue with forgiveness really takes two forms. The first is it is hard to forgive when I feel I have been wronged and the other person won't take responsibility for it. The second is when an argument or incident is my fault, and leads to both of us being unfair, I feel bad and I have a hard time admitting I'm wrong. Both of these apply to my current situation.
See, I'm a last word girl. I like to be witty and clever. I have a burning sarcastic streak. Sometimes this works out well for me: being a last word person means that I like to communicate. I pride myself on being able to talk to different kinds of people about different kinds of things. Being a last word girl has its drawbacks, though, when you have been "wronged" (either in your perception or for real).
There are still things that are unresolved between my friend and I. There were things said in the argument and the subsequent back and forth on email (I know, I know....but it happened...so I'm owning it) that were hurtful. I was responsible for some of that hurt. So was she. It bothers me that I probably won't get an apology, ever. It bothers me that she probably doesn't think she did anything wrong. And it bothers me that even if I am willing to apologise for the way I hurt her, I won't get what I want out of it.
THIS....this is the crux of the issue.
What do I want? I want her to apologize. What do I need to do? Apologize for my own actions, and then MOVE ON. Whether I get an apology or not. MOVE ON. Put her down. Stop trying to be right. I need to apologize to make myself feel like I have mended the wrongs I did. I need to apologize with no expectation of getting an apology back. This is what has held me back for so long...I feel like I deserve something that I'm not getting...an apology. Some kind of admission of guilt from her. I want to know she feels bad.
Here's the thing though: I don't have any of that now. So if I don't get it when I apologize, I'm no better or worse off that I am now. So why not just go ahead and do it? I'll at least know that I have done my part, and I can move on to forgiving her and myself and live my life.
That wanting the last word thing, though? That's a powerful thing. It's not a great thing to admit about myself, but it's there. And I know that it's ridiculous. And I know it's getting in the way of my forgiving her.
Working on letting go. Working on putting her down. I'm working.
For me, the issue with forgiveness really takes two forms. The first is it is hard to forgive when I feel I have been wronged and the other person won't take responsibility for it. The second is when an argument or incident is my fault, and leads to both of us being unfair, I feel bad and I have a hard time admitting I'm wrong. Both of these apply to my current situation.
See, I'm a last word girl. I like to be witty and clever. I have a burning sarcastic streak. Sometimes this works out well for me: being a last word person means that I like to communicate. I pride myself on being able to talk to different kinds of people about different kinds of things. Being a last word girl has its drawbacks, though, when you have been "wronged" (either in your perception or for real).
There are still things that are unresolved between my friend and I. There were things said in the argument and the subsequent back and forth on email (I know, I know....but it happened...so I'm owning it) that were hurtful. I was responsible for some of that hurt. So was she. It bothers me that I probably won't get an apology, ever. It bothers me that she probably doesn't think she did anything wrong. And it bothers me that even if I am willing to apologise for the way I hurt her, I won't get what I want out of it.
THIS....this is the crux of the issue.
What do I want? I want her to apologize. What do I need to do? Apologize for my own actions, and then MOVE ON. Whether I get an apology or not. MOVE ON. Put her down. Stop trying to be right. I need to apologize to make myself feel like I have mended the wrongs I did. I need to apologize with no expectation of getting an apology back. This is what has held me back for so long...I feel like I deserve something that I'm not getting...an apology. Some kind of admission of guilt from her. I want to know she feels bad.
Here's the thing though: I don't have any of that now. So if I don't get it when I apologize, I'm no better or worse off that I am now. So why not just go ahead and do it? I'll at least know that I have done my part, and I can move on to forgiving her and myself and live my life.
That wanting the last word thing, though? That's a powerful thing. It's not a great thing to admit about myself, but it's there. And I know that it's ridiculous. And I know it's getting in the way of my forgiving her.
Working on letting go. Working on putting her down. I'm working.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Why is it so hard?
I've been thinking about forgiveness lately. A lot.
I read a parable a few months ago. I want to link to where I read it, but I can't remember the site, or the book, or whatever medium it was. I'm going to sum up and post it for you anyway, because it's relevant.
Two monks are walking together on a road. They meet a woman who is going the same way, and the three begin to walk together. The woman is really not a nice person. She's loud, boastful, and rude. She is mean to the monks. Still they walk on together. Eventually they come to a stream. The woman insists she is NOT crossing this river by herself. She demands that the monks carry her, and they do. One picks her up, the other picks up her stuff (which is a lot...she has a lot of stuff)...together they get her across the river. On the other side, they part ways with her...she stands shouting and degrading them as they leave.
After walking on for another hour, one monk turns to the other and says "I cannot believe you carried that woman across the river. She was so awful. She was so rude to you...and you did it anyway. She was the most horrible person I've ever met!" His companion turns to him and says "Brother, I put her down an hour ago. Why haven't you?"
I've retold this story many times over the past months, and part of that retelling is me trying to work out my own stuff. See, I strive to be a better person. I really try to do good things for others and for this world. The fact is, though...one thing I have never been able to change is the fact that I hold a grudge. I have the ability to stay mad at someone for so long it is ridiculous.
Honestly, most of the time I yell a little, recounting to Hubby what injustices have been done to me in a particular situation...then I'm over it. Maybe I'll tell a few other people and turn it into a good story.
I have one particular grudge, though, that I cannot let go of.
A few years ago I had a friend I was extremely close to. Without giving details, I will suffice it to say that our friendship didn't just fall apart, it exploded in an ugly way. We were drifting apart, it hurt, and then it turned ugly. The fault belongs to both of us; I have to say I did and said some things that really make me cringe now. I didn't handle it well.
But here's the thing: I can't let it go. I know I had a hand in the way things ended. I know that I could have handled the whole situation better. But all I can dwell on is how hurt I was...how I needed my friend and she chose that time to pull away and focus on other things...other friends...her own life (which was, truth be told, in turmoil). I was angry at her for not being there for me, angry at her for not letting me be there for her, and angry that our friendship, which I treasured, now seemed to mean nothing to her. I'm still angry. I'm still hurt. I want to let it go.
I know that letting this go means I need to forgive her for not being the friend I wanted, the friend I thought I had. I also know that letting go means I have to forgive myself for the same things...for not being the friend I aspire to be...for not being the person I aspire to be.
February is here...an online friend I have would refer to this as the "month of suck"...and I'm adopting that moniker from here on out. I hate february. I do. Hubby and I try to fill the month with positive things; things like family and friends and memories that make us smile. But the fact of the matter is that I cry every time I remember tiny man and how his death will always be linked to his birthday in my heart. It makes me angry.
So this year, the second anniversary of his death. The year he would have turned four. I'm going to try to be the person my son thought I was. Kind. Loving. Dedicated.
Forgiving.
I've decided that I have to put this friend down. I have to let her go. I've decided that I can't apply the lessons Tiny Man taught me in his short life when I'm letting anger and bitterness hold me back.
This is going to hurt.
I read a parable a few months ago. I want to link to where I read it, but I can't remember the site, or the book, or whatever medium it was. I'm going to sum up and post it for you anyway, because it's relevant.
Two monks are walking together on a road. They meet a woman who is going the same way, and the three begin to walk together. The woman is really not a nice person. She's loud, boastful, and rude. She is mean to the monks. Still they walk on together. Eventually they come to a stream. The woman insists she is NOT crossing this river by herself. She demands that the monks carry her, and they do. One picks her up, the other picks up her stuff (which is a lot...she has a lot of stuff)...together they get her across the river. On the other side, they part ways with her...she stands shouting and degrading them as they leave.
After walking on for another hour, one monk turns to the other and says "I cannot believe you carried that woman across the river. She was so awful. She was so rude to you...and you did it anyway. She was the most horrible person I've ever met!" His companion turns to him and says "Brother, I put her down an hour ago. Why haven't you?"
I've retold this story many times over the past months, and part of that retelling is me trying to work out my own stuff. See, I strive to be a better person. I really try to do good things for others and for this world. The fact is, though...one thing I have never been able to change is the fact that I hold a grudge. I have the ability to stay mad at someone for so long it is ridiculous.
Honestly, most of the time I yell a little, recounting to Hubby what injustices have been done to me in a particular situation...then I'm over it. Maybe I'll tell a few other people and turn it into a good story.
I have one particular grudge, though, that I cannot let go of.
A few years ago I had a friend I was extremely close to. Without giving details, I will suffice it to say that our friendship didn't just fall apart, it exploded in an ugly way. We were drifting apart, it hurt, and then it turned ugly. The fault belongs to both of us; I have to say I did and said some things that really make me cringe now. I didn't handle it well.
But here's the thing: I can't let it go. I know I had a hand in the way things ended. I know that I could have handled the whole situation better. But all I can dwell on is how hurt I was...how I needed my friend and she chose that time to pull away and focus on other things...other friends...her own life (which was, truth be told, in turmoil). I was angry at her for not being there for me, angry at her for not letting me be there for her, and angry that our friendship, which I treasured, now seemed to mean nothing to her. I'm still angry. I'm still hurt. I want to let it go.
I know that letting this go means I need to forgive her for not being the friend I wanted, the friend I thought I had. I also know that letting go means I have to forgive myself for the same things...for not being the friend I aspire to be...for not being the person I aspire to be.
February is here...an online friend I have would refer to this as the "month of suck"...and I'm adopting that moniker from here on out. I hate february. I do. Hubby and I try to fill the month with positive things; things like family and friends and memories that make us smile. But the fact of the matter is that I cry every time I remember tiny man and how his death will always be linked to his birthday in my heart. It makes me angry.
So this year, the second anniversary of his death. The year he would have turned four. I'm going to try to be the person my son thought I was. Kind. Loving. Dedicated.
Forgiving.
I've decided that I have to put this friend down. I have to let her go. I've decided that I can't apply the lessons Tiny Man taught me in his short life when I'm letting anger and bitterness hold me back.
This is going to hurt.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tight
It's just after seven, and I've just put Toast to bed. We are both exhausted. Today my sweet, laid back and happy boy had a very hard afternoon. I, of course, also had a hard afternoon. I'm struggling with my feelings right now...and I'm having a very very hard time.
It began after nap time. T woke up in a rotten mood and cried for about fifteen minutes. I tried to snack him, snuggle him, lay down with him in our bed, rock him, put him back in the crib for more sleep. He just wanted to whine and cry, alternately..together..separately...it didn't matter. He wanted to whine and cry.
So we got out of the house, went to the park then to a neighbor's for a little while...and it was lovely. The day is beautiful. Came home, ate dinner...then had more of the same...whine and cry. After dinner we went out to the deck, I was going to browse a book and I brought out toys for Toast. He came to my lap, grabbed a handful of clothing (I cannot tell you how this irritates me) and started to cry. It was 6:15. He did not stop for the next 45 minutes.
My chest, stomach, back, breath..all of it...are so tight right now I cannot relax. I am afraid if I start to cry I will not stop. There is nothing that brought on a tantrum. There is nothing wrong. There is nothing out of the ordinary. Apparently it's just an overload of emotions that had to be released.
When this happens, when Toby melts down...and it's not often...he likes to grab...he takes his fist and grabs handfuls of my clothing and pulls on it. It's uncomfortable and irritating. If it were an adult I would probably lose control and yell stop it. If it persisted, I would probably smack the person or walk away. Everyone has their trigger, and I didn't know this was mine...it irritates me beyond belief. BUT being the bigger, stronger, smarter one, I have to keep myself in check...and I do. But it's so hard sometimes to remind myself to be calm, distract, speak, soothe.
Toast is very very determined and stubborn. If he doesn't get his way, he screams and cries. I think this is common in toddlers, yes? If he wants to do something, and can't, he whines, or screams, or cries. If he is headed for something he's not supposed to do, and is blocked...the same. But what am I supposed to do when we are sitting on the deck on a lovely evening, and he will not play. If I get down to pay attention, he will play on his own. If I sit aways away to do something else, he will stop and come be near me, pull, whine. I try very very hard to remind myself that he is telling me something important...that he wants mom and needs my attention. But sometimes I just want a moment. Is it his age? It just sounds like I'm so selfish. I just read what I wrote and I'm so ashamed. But how do kids learn to be independant? I don't expect it now...but what is the line...when do I help and when do I not? When do I assert my right to sit and read a damn book for five minutes.
This parenting thing is so difficult. It's such a struggle. Am I the first mom who just needs a little break now and then? I cannot believe people do this on their own. I cannot believe that people undertake this job, willingly, alone.
It began after nap time. T woke up in a rotten mood and cried for about fifteen minutes. I tried to snack him, snuggle him, lay down with him in our bed, rock him, put him back in the crib for more sleep. He just wanted to whine and cry, alternately..together..separately...it didn't matter. He wanted to whine and cry.
So we got out of the house, went to the park then to a neighbor's for a little while...and it was lovely. The day is beautiful. Came home, ate dinner...then had more of the same...whine and cry. After dinner we went out to the deck, I was going to browse a book and I brought out toys for Toast. He came to my lap, grabbed a handful of clothing (I cannot tell you how this irritates me) and started to cry. It was 6:15. He did not stop for the next 45 minutes.
My chest, stomach, back, breath..all of it...are so tight right now I cannot relax. I am afraid if I start to cry I will not stop. There is nothing that brought on a tantrum. There is nothing wrong. There is nothing out of the ordinary. Apparently it's just an overload of emotions that had to be released.
When this happens, when Toby melts down...and it's not often...he likes to grab...he takes his fist and grabs handfuls of my clothing and pulls on it. It's uncomfortable and irritating. If it were an adult I would probably lose control and yell stop it. If it persisted, I would probably smack the person or walk away. Everyone has their trigger, and I didn't know this was mine...it irritates me beyond belief. BUT being the bigger, stronger, smarter one, I have to keep myself in check...and I do. But it's so hard sometimes to remind myself to be calm, distract, speak, soothe.
Toast is very very determined and stubborn. If he doesn't get his way, he screams and cries. I think this is common in toddlers, yes? If he wants to do something, and can't, he whines, or screams, or cries. If he is headed for something he's not supposed to do, and is blocked...the same. But what am I supposed to do when we are sitting on the deck on a lovely evening, and he will not play. If I get down to pay attention, he will play on his own. If I sit aways away to do something else, he will stop and come be near me, pull, whine. I try very very hard to remind myself that he is telling me something important...that he wants mom and needs my attention. But sometimes I just want a moment. Is it his age? It just sounds like I'm so selfish. I just read what I wrote and I'm so ashamed. But how do kids learn to be independant? I don't expect it now...but what is the line...when do I help and when do I not? When do I assert my right to sit and read a damn book for five minutes.
This parenting thing is so difficult. It's such a struggle. Am I the first mom who just needs a little break now and then? I cannot believe people do this on their own. I cannot believe that people undertake this job, willingly, alone.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I have to talk about this.
I've written a little about my feelings on language and perception regarding people with Down syndrome and other developmental disabilities. When I did so, though, I was talking more about issues that are different than what's on my mind today...
...when I was teaching, it used to really really get me when kids would use the word "Gay". "That's so Gay, you're so Gay, how Gay". Just drove me up a WALL. I would call them on it, each and every time. Some smartass would always say "it means happy!" Another teacher I knew had the BEST comeback for that. She would tell them "Oh, so one genius learns how to use a Thesaurus and now you're all excited!" She was an English Teacher. It was a great line. Likewise, I hated when kids would call something "retarded", or call each other "retard". We actually had a student once who auditioned an act for one of the school's variety shows where he portrayed a mentally challenged man sitting and waiting for a bus. Muscular tics, facial expressions, speech patterns, all of it.
He didn't understand why his act didn't get in the show. Really. He didn't get it.
This is my issue. People don't get it. "Retard", to most people, isn't mean. I understand that in the original context, the word is not meant to BE mean. It means slower. I get that. But the way we use it now? It's mean. It's hurtful. And people don't get it. Kristin Chenowith, an actress I greatly admire, referred to herself as "one of those retards who starts playing Christmas music in October" on the Today show this past holiday season. Really? That's okay?
Here's what you need to get: the word is offensive. When you look at someone doing something stupid, something without thought, something they should know better than to do, and call them a retard? Yeah, that's offensive. You just compared someone being purposefully dumb to my oldest son. He isn't slower ON PURPOSE. He's just slower. He didn't learn to crawl or walk. Not because he knew how and decided not to, not as a joke, not because he made a stupid error. He did it because his growth and development were, let's use the word as it is supposed to be used: retarded. Slower. Not dumb. My son was not dumb. Not stupid.
I think people don't get that THEY might not be offended by a word...but THEY have no reason to be. They are not the one who is developing slower.
That's why, when reading an online friend's blog today, I was so happy to see this. And this. And finally, this.
Please, click through. Take a moment. I will, as bloggers love to say, wait.
Done? Okay. Thanks for looking.
Today, March 31, has been designated as a national day of awareness by Special Olympics. "Spread the word to end the word". Please, people, take a few minutes to pay attention to your own language, maybe for the next few days. Did you use the "R" word? Could you have avoided it?
Tell you what. Next time you feel compelled to use that word, consider this:
This is my Tiny man. He and his brother are the light of my life. I love him and I miss him so very very much. When you use the word retard, you are negating every single thing he accomplished during his life. You are ignoring the struggle, the miracle, the magic of a little boy who just wanted to live life joyfully.
Let's just think a little, okay?
Think about that next time you use "the word".
...when I was teaching, it used to really really get me when kids would use the word "Gay". "That's so Gay, you're so Gay, how Gay". Just drove me up a WALL. I would call them on it, each and every time. Some smartass would always say "it means happy!" Another teacher I knew had the BEST comeback for that. She would tell them "Oh, so one genius learns how to use a Thesaurus and now you're all excited!" She was an English Teacher. It was a great line. Likewise, I hated when kids would call something "retarded", or call each other "retard". We actually had a student once who auditioned an act for one of the school's variety shows where he portrayed a mentally challenged man sitting and waiting for a bus. Muscular tics, facial expressions, speech patterns, all of it.
He didn't understand why his act didn't get in the show. Really. He didn't get it.
This is my issue. People don't get it. "Retard", to most people, isn't mean. I understand that in the original context, the word is not meant to BE mean. It means slower. I get that. But the way we use it now? It's mean. It's hurtful. And people don't get it. Kristin Chenowith, an actress I greatly admire, referred to herself as "one of those retards who starts playing Christmas music in October" on the Today show this past holiday season. Really? That's okay?
Here's what you need to get: the word is offensive. When you look at someone doing something stupid, something without thought, something they should know better than to do, and call them a retard? Yeah, that's offensive. You just compared someone being purposefully dumb to my oldest son. He isn't slower ON PURPOSE. He's just slower. He didn't learn to crawl or walk. Not because he knew how and decided not to, not as a joke, not because he made a stupid error. He did it because his growth and development were, let's use the word as it is supposed to be used: retarded. Slower. Not dumb. My son was not dumb. Not stupid.
I think people don't get that THEY might not be offended by a word...but THEY have no reason to be. They are not the one who is developing slower.
That's why, when reading an online friend's blog today, I was so happy to see this. And this. And finally, this.
Please, click through. Take a moment. I will, as bloggers love to say, wait.
Done? Okay. Thanks for looking.
Today, March 31, has been designated as a national day of awareness by Special Olympics. "Spread the word to end the word". Please, people, take a few minutes to pay attention to your own language, maybe for the next few days. Did you use the "R" word? Could you have avoided it?
Tell you what. Next time you feel compelled to use that word, consider this:
This is my Tiny man. He and his brother are the light of my life. I love him and I miss him so very very much. When you use the word retard, you are negating every single thing he accomplished during his life. You are ignoring the struggle, the miracle, the magic of a little boy who just wanted to live life joyfully. Let's just think a little, okay?
Think about that next time you use "the word".
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