Wednesday, December 23, 2009

On the longest night

The past couple of years have made it clear to me that I am fond of "hunkering" when it gets cold.  Long about November or so, I start making like a bear...getting ready to hibernate.  I would be pretty happy, I think, if I could just order in all winter and hunker down in my house to wait out the cold and dark. 

Monday was the winter solstice.  The sun rose here (by my eye) after seven thirty in the morning, and set around four-ish.  It always amazes me that this day is the turning point, because the months of January and February always SEEM the longest, darkest days to me....they are, however, well on the road back to the light. 

I find myself more reflective in the winter time...and it seems natural.  If you thin about life in general, when things happen they force us to take a good long look at life, it seems as if we are dealing, and dealing and dealing...things get darker and darker and darker, then we hit rock bottom.  Thus begins the long road back or forward to wherever we will wind up.  It parallels the solstice pretty neatly. 

Christmas has been about many things for me in the past.  Getting presents, giving presents.  Trying to get presents on a budget so limited I wasn't sure how things would work out.  Being able to give generously.  Not being able to give at all.  Being with family when I didn't want to be...not being with them when I needed to be.  This year it's all about the hunkering.  I don't want to be out shopping, hustling, bustling; getting all riled up at the marvelously stupid and insensitive people in this world.  Complaining about everything I have to do.  I want to hunker down, with some hot beverage, my Toast and my Hubby.  Watch some movies.  Do a little baking and crafting.  Hang out with my parents and my remarkably hilarious and talented sister on the 25th.  Wrap gifts in secret and listen to carols while I do it.  Sit back and watch my amazing boy and listen to what he has to tell me. 

And after Christmas, I will take the time in the darkest part of the year to think about where I want to be in the future.  What I can do with my life.  I will take time to plan out what I want this year to be like.  I will remember my Tiny Man.  I will probably cry more than once because I miss him so damn much...I do this a lot.  In the winter, though, the time to think is more plentiful.   

Happy Solstice.  Merry Christmas.  Be thankful, be loving, be thoughtful. 

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