Monday, March 30, 2009

Lucky number 100

This is my 100th post on this blog. I feel like I should do something special. Ahh well. The thought was there.
So I'm feeling a teensy bit angry at myself right now. I spent about a half hour of naptime photographing my scrapbook pages, because I wanted to post some of them to my flickr site. From there, I wanted to submit several of them to group photo pools on said site. I didn't have this desire because I think my pages are spectacular, but they are fairly decent, and I get so many ideas from looking at other's pages. I wanted to start submitting some of my own.
So what's the problem? That nasty little fairy, self-doubt. That's the problem. I'm pulling pages from my, strike that...I'm looking through my albums and thinking "nope, nope, nope, not good enough, nope, nope nope, boring, nope, not creative enough". Huh? Not creative enough? What?!
It's hard to remind myself that scrapbooking, knitting, embroidery...all these crafty hobbies I have...they are OUTLETS for me. I'm not going to proclaim a background in Art, Art history, design etc etc etc because I don't have one. But I'm an artist simply because I create, because I like it, because it is soothing to me. I don't have to make the next great installation.
What is it that makes us believe we aren't good enough at something? I certainly have enough confidence about myself. I am good parent. I am a good cook. I'm a good person and a fair, compassionate human being. For some reason, though, I always judge my creative endeavors against those of other people. Maybe there's some deep seated psycological reason for this, but I think I just need to get over it and accept my stuff for what it is...MINE. I am a little ashamed of myself that I am so afraid to put things out there for others to see. I mean, I started scrapbooking so that we would actually LOOK at the pictures we take.
I need a good swift kick in the Tuchus.


Anonymous said...

Consider it kicked. I *know* you are very creative. The thing with creating art is that you can't compare it because you are the only one who can create "your art". As the artist you can compare the finished product to the vision you had for the project, so only you know how it stacks up. Though, that said I also always doubt my art, even my sewing and designing abilities. I guess because we can compare it to the vision we don't always just enjoy what we created but dwell on what we envisioned creating. Monique

Jocelyn said...

good parent...good cook...good person...Good Chemistry Teacher! I miss you. Hope all is well. Any chance we could get together so I could get a Toast and Corliss fix? Let me know. jmb.mlis (at) gmail