Monday, January 28, 2008

If I tell you about it, I can't cheat.

I find myself prioritizing the stuff I want to blog about because I never know how much time I have before the kids wake up. This way I jot down what is on my mind, and can always blog about it later.
I am starting weight watchers again today. I am pretty pleased with the fact that I have lost the baby weight (thanks, breastfeeding!) plus most of the weight I did not lose after having tiny man. My main concern is returning to a normal eating routine. After tiny man was born, the stress and depression surrounding his medical issues, his birth, leaving my job, issues with friends...all of it went in my mouth. I've always been a stress/boredom eater. Now that I am at home all day, I find myself snacking every time I am bored, or when things get rough (tiny man has taken to screaming all the time...more on that later). So I have three main goals in doing this program: 1. monitoring what I eat and my portion size. If I don't start doing this, I will gain weight because I eat unconsciously. 2. Find other ways to deal with my boredom. I can' knit during the day because the kids are too demanding. We can't go outside now because it is too cold and for now I have to find other ways to deal with boredom or stress. 3. I need to be able to monitor my I hungry or am I bored. How hungry am I? I think if I can do these things my weight will naturally fall into place and I will feel better. Yes, I will probably lose some weight and that would be great, but dieting to lose the weight is not what I need. I need to change habits, and I think I will feel better and look better after doing it.
When I did weight watchers several years ago, I did change my habits, and I lost a lot of weight too. I felt great and had so much energy...then I got married, lost a pregnancy, had Tiny Man and now Bruiser. My life has changed so drastically and there has been a lot of stress. I just need to return to good eating habits. I'm going to try doing the program on my own for a few weeks and see how effective that is. If it does not work I'll know I need the community portion and I will pay to join up, Probably online.
I hate being obsessive about my weight. When I lost weight before, I found that watching what I ate and establishing good habits made me less obsessive. I wasn't skinny, but I didn't care because I felt good and ate good food. That's all I really want. I have always had a poor body image, and it is made worse when I know I'm not doing good things for myself. I hope that this changes for the better.

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