a few thoughts

Suddenly, this christmas, This is trendy....I've always thought this Christmas song was underrated.

I find myself more in the christmas spirit this year than in most of the past four or five. Maybe it's all the newness in my life. Maybe it's because I have spent more time at home and less time out dealing with people. I have been dreading hubby going back to work on wednesday, but it's becoming clear to me that it's less because I am afraid of being with both kids alone and more because I like having him home and around so much. Yeah, I know...awwww..but that's not it. I just like not being alone during the day.

I left the house for the first time in two weeks the other day, and was anxious and panicky the whole time...traffic, crowds, getting stuff done and getting home all made me want to throw up. It's been a long time since I've felt that way. It reminded me that even though I'm better -- postpartum -- than I was with Ben, I'm still dealing with a lot of crap that I try and ignore. Not big issues, just anxiety and panic and general sadness that I cannot explain. Must take care of this.