Wednesday, August 5, 2009


Dear Blog: I've neglected you. I know it. I'm sorry.

It's not that I don't love you, I do. I love knowing that I have somewhere to write things that are on my mind. Things that happen in my life. Things that make me happy or sad. It's just that lately, well, I don't even know where to begin.

Sometimes I guess we just find ourselves adrift.

It's not that I am unhappy with the way things are going...quite to the contrary. I have just reached one of those times in my life where I am enjoying the DOING much more than the REPORTING about the doing. And amid the doing, I've been thinking a lot about where things will go from here.

There are no big life decisions to be made. There are no looming deadlines or important plans to be planned. Life is, amazingly, devoid of lists and tasks and calendars and plans. I'm finding it blissful, and also a little disturbing.

Blissful because each day when Toast and I get up, all we have to do is laid out before us...yogurt and fruit or eggs. Sandbox or park. Wagon or bike. Nap. Snack. Play with daddy. Investigate the tomatoes to see how large they are. Lay out a big blanket in the backyard and sit on it counting bugs. The best part? Right now, this is enough.

So why am I feeling like I am adrift? Why am I feeling like there is somewhere to be going? Toast is getting a bit older and while our time together is wonderful, I"m starting to feel like there is something I could be doing from, no, it's not time to go back to work. I'm just wondering if this is it. If this is where I am supposed to be. If I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.

I know, blog. I know that you are going to tell me that I should just be enjoying things as they are. See, if I have this feeling though, I think I need to act on it. I think I need to start exploring it. Maybe all I'm feeling is more grief, rolling around my life as it does sometimes. Maybe there is an idea in here about something brilliant that will take my life in a new direction. I just need some time to listen...and that, I know, is in short supply. There is too much noise in my life. Too much civilization. Too MUCH in general. I can't hear myself here.

Next week Hubby, Toast and I are taking off...literally. We are taking off to go on the Cabin with Gamma And Gampa (Toast is SO excited)...and taking off to the north woods for a few days (Hubby and I) before rejoining Toast and my parents.

There is a provincial park in Ontario where we went hiking years ago, before we were married. It is, hands down, one of the most (if not the most) amazing places I've ever seen on earth (and I've camped in some amazing places). The park stretches all along the shore of Lake Superior, and all along the lake shore there is a trail. It's rustic, it's very difficult hiking. When the Canadians say "strenuous", they mean it! (I'll save the part about the vertical rock wall the height of a school bus for another post....). It's also lovely....there are these tiny coves all along the lake, and that's where the campsites are. You wake up to a beach that is a circular bowl of stones edging the lake...and there's nothing else. Some of the coves have large flat boulders of granite the size of my car that jut out into the water...perfect for sitting or napping (I've tested this theory).

This is where we are going. And I need it. I need the quiet. I need to be fifty miles from anyone, any store, any civilization. I need this. Hubby does too.
So for the next week or so I'll be taking off...taking off from my cell phone, the computer, my email, twitter, netflix, TV, NPR, the world at large. I know that there are people who think I'm crazy, that don't like this kind of a get-away...but it's something that is an absolute necessity for me.

When I come back, if I haven't regained my balance, found my direction again, I"ll at least have some awesome pictures and a few good posts about our trip.

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