I'm a week out from the horrible mommy day. Things are back to normal, the way they should be, ups and downs balancing out. Life with a busy 18 month old.
I feel so comforted, so good, reading the comments for the last post. Writing the entry...I just needed to get things out. It doesn't matter how much I know, logically, that it's okay to take a minute for myself...especially when I'm feeling frustrated and upset...it still feels strange to write it out. I think we, as mothers (and as teachers/librarians...I'm talking to you Sparkcrafted) are given messages that tell us we are only good and only worthy if we turn ourselves over to our charges. When I think about it, though, the best children I know, the best parents I know, they have individual lives. My parents were really wonderful at parenting, and they always took time for themselves. I saw them reading, having hobbies, enjoying life with me and by themselves. I think we get a lot of messages from society that encourage us to live completely for our children, and I think that is not healthy. It's a fine line, though, and one that's hard to walk. When Toast is having a normal day it's hard to not spend every moment with him, both because he demands it and because it's fun.
Mostly, I think, I am so encouraged by reading comments from moms I admire and care deeply about telling me it's going to be okay. Thanks guys. When it comes down to it, something we have that mothers before us did not is a community of people that is incredibly diverse...it goes beyond our family and neighbors, and it provides incredible perspective and support. There is a lot out there if one looks for it.
I am fortunate that a week ago thursday is an isolated incident with Toast, and I'm fortunate to have an outlet when these incidents happen.